Wednesday, 21 September 2011


I had a very stressful few weeks with my face book account being compromised...person/s logging into my account...having to change the passwords for my e-mail and face book accounts nearly every few hours so much so that I did not have the energy to carry on writing.

That is a very long sentence, you may say or think but that is not nearly how long it was for me to get out of the anger mode to put these bullies behind me. Yes, very much so, these people who hijack our accounts are really bullies in their own world. They must have nothing to do except provoke feelings and testing our patience.

I do feel sorry for these people as they are practically thieves and peeping toms. What is their point?
What is their upbringing like? Do we blame their parents or themselves?

What are their needs that are not being met? What values do they have?  By bullying others, is it a compensation for what they are lacking?

I asked myself these questions. Well, I have realised that it is like anything else in life.
People do have different values definitely. What is their sense of achievement in their own right? Is there a monetary value to what they do, irregardless of other people's feelings?

Questions, questions, questions? I am not going to try even to understand their reasons for doing what they do BEST?

I can only now speak for myself from my very own experiences and values.

I had a very interesting conversation with my Mentor, John yesterday.  John is very good in helping others realise what is the underlying source of our behaviour/s .
He inspires me , is a gentleman and is honest and tactful without being in your face.

I am grateful to have him as my mentor. He is non-judgemental and so far one of the best coach that one can find.

I have for the past few years been thinking, contemplating my life...doing a sort of 'inventory' into my life's experience.

There is a point in life where I asked myself, ' What is the Point'? I am sure many of you have done so already in so many areas of our life especially in our relationships.

Have you felt that somehow sometime, you feel that you are just existing for others? Most people do not realise that they do exist for others.

These are the patterns in life that we fall into. We procrastinatee on so many things and then when we do finally take that first step in, let's say a project...and then we do not have the 'mood' to complete it.
We have all the ideas and then much more newer ideas and then we start on the other better ideas, and then we do not feel like completing them. We could stare at it all day  and something called, 'Guilt' says , 'You must complete your project'.

What causes guilt to come in? It is our belief patterns that have set in long time ago when we were younger..  Then we may realise that we do get bored with the unfinished projects and then it all goes into a cycle of ...Get the Stuff needed....Procrastinate....Work on it... Stop... must do it cause you spent money on it...then you lose interest....completely.

Underlying this behaviour is a need to your own right. When you have a need to achieve for someone Else's sake and approval, it doe not happen so brilliantly. The negative energy that goes with the project makes it a failure., especially when one is not doing it for one's own values.

Do we need to measure our achievement as a monetary value always? Some of us do and some of us do not. Everyone has their own model of the world. It is what we choose to live with that makes our character.. Do we change our values to match other people's expectation of our capabilities or their capabilities?

We do set our own standards and the primary role is to look after number one  and that is ourselves.
Like John mentioned that when we are travelling on a plane, we are always told to put the oxygen mask first before others in case of emergency. It makes sense. We do have to help ourselves and know what we are doing and not be robot-like in our lives.

 When we try to achieve for somebody else to make them happy or to seek approval, we are not being true to ourselves unless we are doing it for us  according to our values and not others.

Another thing is to measure our sensitivity to other people's thoughts and behaviours. On a scale of one to being very sensitive to what others say and ten...not so sensitive to what others say.
Let us say the sensitivity gauge that we choose is four and four is not being all the way sensitive to what others say..because if we are truly vulnerable and sensitive, we would have acted accordingly to what others expect of us.
What is important is to ask ourselves,
 ' Who do I want to be?'
'What do I want to do?'
'What do I want to have?'

Our values are our sense of worthiness. Be motivated by our own values and we can choose to be less sensitive to other people/s needs ( Control ) at the expense of our own.
Be who we want to be and not what others want us to be.

A quote from John, " I AM HAPPY I'M USING MY TV REMOTE."

When one is in charge of your very own TV remote, one is in control of what one wants in their own model of the their world. If you have reached an age of adulthood, then ...what more do we want in life , then be in charge of our own lives and values.

Our needs are linked to feelings connected to other people but we do have to take responsibility for our own feelings.

We do not need to be an emotional slave and be responsible for other people's needs (Control).

Thank you for dropping by.
PS: This is just a summary of what I intended to write regarding  the above issues.  I will expand on the issues mentioned at another time.

Ms EliMaeO

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