This day at about 2am, I started my blog entry with the Infinite Way of Lifeelizabethrayney.
I realised that I needed to do something that will or might help all in some kind of way.
I recall just a few years ago when Debbie Smith who is a Facilitator and Practitioner in Metaphysics encouraging me to present a talk at Isis on the topic about relationships.
Yes, I was very excited, nervous but wanting to know how the talk would be received by the attendees.
Philip, the owner of Isis decided that the title would be " RELATIONSHIPS " as it was to be held on the 12th of February, just two days before Valentine's day.
I was told to prepare fliers with an eye-catching diagram and captivating words to attract the eyes and mind of potential attendees.
As nervous as I was since my very first presentation in front of a very big group of people more than 17 years or so, I knew I had to pass this egoistic barrier of fear and nervousness.
I know it is not about me....the ego stands for ' Easing God Out '. Nervousness is also part of the ego and I was not prepared to let my 'ego' stand in my way.
I reminded myself to let The Holy Spirit within me to Guide me for the Highest good of all concerned.
I dwelt on my fears and realised the link to a statement made by someone years before that ' I do not do what I preach. ' This particular person had never liked me even how hard I tried to please him..Only now, after years of learning and being away from the ' well ' itself..I have learnt that I do not need any one's approval of Who or Whom I would want to be. I was always 'drowning' in that person's shadow.
I realised then, the healing had begun and I was ready to let go of the hurts and the not very nice part of my past...Bless them and let them go for the greater good of all concerned.
This was to be my future, the past is my lessons in life, whatever it was, I am not allowing the 'what ifs and what not's to stop me in my endeavours.
Part of my journey did end in tears and fears of what my future would be. I realised that I am not a person who gives up on me. This is the relationship between myself and me that I need to nurture.. I do have a silent strength, an inner strength that is not displayed outwardly especially to others whom do not know me well enough.
I came to another awakening that I do not need to justify my actions to anyone except to be responsible for the choices I made or make. It is good enough for me.. I feel that I have come a long, long way.
Before I present the talk with all the preparation, I put it up to The Universe that twelve people would be fine for me. It was a matter of trust and faith that the ' right' people would hear me and I would be right for them too at that moment in time.
A so called friend asked me, " How can you give a talk on relationships when you have issues of your own?'
That was a ' light bulb' moment for me. It gave me food for thought.
It was not about issues with others but more with myself. I was once told that I need to love myself and learn to give to myself and receive graciously. The most important receiver and giver is oneself.
Whatever was happening out there was with a realisation that ' LAW OF ATTRACTION ' in place all the time.
I made it successfully..Six people signed up and paid before the talk itself, another six turned up when the talk was about to begin..
I knew then the miracle is happening especially when we have good intentions .
Amongst the twelve, there was a mother and son present. I knew whomever was present was mirroring whatever that was happening in my life at that time..I believe with God's sense of humour, He is showing me The Way.
The healing had begun in so many ways in all the aspects of my life. The answers were there, loud and clear.
And yes, coming to the person who pushes my buttons....She was present. A few days before the presentation, we were having dinner at her place. She announced, ' It would be difficult to understand your accent.' As she walked away from me, she quickly said ' Someone said so .'
My response was I had told none of my other friends or people that I knew that I was holding this presentation except the three of us whom was present in the room and of course Debbie and my partner..Who else could say that about me? My defense went up, I was hurt , then angry at the remark she made.
She made no effort to 'redeem' herself in any way. On my way home, I confided in my other friend that perhaps I should give up the idea of holding the presentation.
My friend told me to go ahead with it. the next day at another meeting with another group of people, the topic of accent was coincidentally brought up by someone else whom was told the same thing.
There is no coincidences...it is meant to be.. We had a little discussion and I realised that though I was foreigner in that country, the locals have their distinctive accent too and so did the person who pushed my buttons. She was another foreigner and it was sometimes difficult to understand her too.
Thanks to her especially and to the support of people whom wanted me to get the message across, I decided to go ahead with the presentation . I turned away her offer of helping me in any way. My request to her was to not say anything during my talk .
For the first time in my life then, I had begun a new path where I took action and spoke up without fear of being confrontational, something that I do not condone. I spoke up for myself and chose then not to be a 'sponge or magnet for others to put me down consistently..
She knew she was pushing my buttons. If anyone knew me well enough, they know me as a kind , loving, respectful person and obliging most times.. I do try my best but if I do 'fail' in some way, I know somehow I am a spiritual being having a human experience.
The person who pushed my buttons was teaching me something more.. It was because of what she said and did, that gave me ideas for my presentation.
So the lesson here is to step back out of the bubble that we are in and reflect what is it that the person is pushing.
They are our 'teachers' in hindsight.
Ask oneself, ' WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW FROM THIS LESSON?'
'WHAT CAN BE DONE TO MOVE FORWARD TOWARDS OUR GOALS?'
' HOW DO WE MOVE FORWARD WITH THE ACTION PLAN?'
' WHEN WILL WE START THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS THE ACTION PLAN?'
' WHAT ARE THE CHANGES THAT ONE NEED TO MAKE IN ORDER TO
FULFILL THAT DREAM OF OURS?'
'WHOM CAN WE COUNT TO SUPPORT US WITH OUR GOALS AND
OUR JOURNEY IN LIFE IS OUR VERY OWN. WHOM WE WANT TO SHARE IT WITH, IS OUR CHOICE, HOW WE WANT OUR LIFE TO BE IS ALSO OUR CHOICE. BY NOT MAKING A CHOICE IS ALSO A CHOICE. WE ARE OUR VERY OWN MAIN ACTOR/ACTRESS..SO YOU CAN DECIDE WHOM OR WHO WILL BE YOUR SUPPORTING CAST.. THE STAGE OF LIFE IS YOURS AND WELCOME TO THE UNIVERSITY OF LIFE ITSELF. like MY FRIEND JENNIFER BERNARD SAID WHEN IT IS TIME TO GET RID OF THE DEADWOOD IN YOUR LIFE, MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO DO IT IF YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS NOT SERVING YOU FOR THE GREATER GOOD OF ALL CONCERNED...
Thank you for reading.... May you choose the path that will serve you well when you come to that crossroads... there is no right or wrong path..just different lessons and experiences in life..