Emotional Slavery

EMOTIONAL SLAVERY

Well. it has been sometime now  that I have posted anything  but I have not stopped writing. I have been dwelling on uncertainty for some time now. I believe that 'Uncertainty' is not a thing but it is a feeling.

For me , it is like reaching a crossroad and not being able to decide which path to take. It takes a longer time to dwell on the issues surrounding the topic of 'uncertainty'.

Though it is only a feeling, it is not a very nice one  expecially when it concerns other people in our very circle of life. I feel that I can only help to make myself feel better by not being an emotional slave to anyone or any events that is not within my control.

Fortunately, I have very good friends, relatives, two mentors and my sanity to help me along my journey.

They have one very good value and that is patience . Patience to allow me to be where I am and respect my ' space'.

 I have realised what I have been for the last couple of years during a conversation with one of my mentors, John.

I have been an emotional slave to certain people. It was not getting any better for my self worth if I had carried on with 'sitting' with the feeling longer than usual.

When we allow ourselves to be emotional slaves, we allow others to dictate to us what their model of the world is.

We  lose connection with Self.

As John brought up the analogy of the labels that we see on  containers or bottles, he brought to light what I have been doing with myself.

This is John's analogy:-

For one moment, visualise oneself as a container with a label or labels. The labels are what other people's perception are about us. They would perceive the contents as they see and read the labels of what they would like to 'purchase' or not. Even if after purchasing the item , they might not like it. Even if they like it, they might heap praises and 'recommend' the product to others. If they dislike the product, they would spread the news ( gossip ) that the product is not good.

So what is important?

 We have to be comfortable with our very own 'Identity' i.e. our 'label'. If we are the 'stuff' in the bottle/container, would we not choose to know ourselves?

Would we not want to like ourselves for our values, believes, concerns, needs, capabilities and so on?

So if we do not 'like' ourselves and are dependent on what others perceive of us, then what reason is it for them to approve of us?

When I say 'like' , I mean approve. As long as we approve of our values, needs , behaviour, time, identity, environment ( where we are in the moment  ) , need we have others to 'label' us?

Our needs affect our feelings. Our feelings make us vulnerable. If we have people who do not meet any of our needs, do we need them labeling us with their own model of their world?

Even if we are consciously or sub-consciously following a 'Spiritual Path' do we need to stay in dysfunctional relationships that 'do' us no- good?

It will be likened to having drugs for the sake of being nice to people who are 'not doing us any good'.

There are people who time and time again 'put us down' by criticising us even though we have tried our best.

We can choose not to risk our sanity on the 'judgement' of others.

We can change and be happy with our very own code of ethics.

Be aware that no one can change us except ourselves. No one can frustrate us except ourselves.

So  we can reflect on our very own identity and know our values .

When we choose to live our lives according to our values, we are capable to escape the 'pain' of needing other people's approval of who we really are.

When our code of ethics, code of conduct, code of values. rules that we live by and positive beliefs are not met within us, we may feel an incongruence in our body. It is a sort of 'sick' feeling that could be felt in the solar plexus or anywhere else in the body. Just pay attention to what your body is telling you.

CREATE  a ' LABEL'  of WHO YOU ARE... Know thyself.

WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES?

WHAT ARE YOUR POSITIVE CAPABILITIES?

ASK YOURSELF WHICH 'ENVIRONMENT' YOU WANT TO BE AT i.e your surrounding area where you breathe and live and be.

Stick your label inside a jar and read it on a daily basis.

I

ME

MY

MYSELF

is our human identity.

Never be a dustbin for other people's woes.

A thought for us to be conscious of :-

Notice that when we use the word I consciously, we may be able to realise that the ' I  ' is more than what we think we are.

 We can say I feel but if we say ' I AM ', be conscious of what we are saying.

BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF.

Thank you for passing by..

MsEliMaeO







Are we like the driftwood floating in the ocean?

ARE WE LIKE DRIFTWOOD FLOATING IN THE SEA?

I had a sort of quirky conversation with someone yesterday about backstabbing. When she told me that most probably that someone was jealous of her, I replied that sometimes, it is not jealousy.

We are each different in every way and there is only one of us in this world, so we are unique in every sense in our very individual sense. Everyone has different values in life and our values may vary from time to time or even remain steadfast in so many ways. Yes, sometimes, people tend to analyse things too much. When I attended a coaching residential, the person in charge put analysing down to ' Anal lying'.  And that term stuck in my mind until now.

I am not saying she was 'Anal lying '. It all started with the person who had 'backstabbed' her. The person had gossipped about her to everyone she can, who would listen to her. This person , let us call her 'J'..had many issues of her own and she had wanted to be in control of everything at work and in life itself. She could not deal with life's many issues and she had relationship and health problems. J had put all her efforts to try to control other things and stuff  of that and who comes into her life.

The very reason that she does it , is she feels that she needs to ' conquer' the 'demons' in her life through channelling her thoughts and efforts on others. J could not control or manage what happens in her life and she thought by subconsciously' putting her energy to the things that she feel she is being put in charge of, would make her feel more of a success than a failure.

So J has diverted all her thoughts and energy towards her expectations of others whom she felt had to do better at work . So the person 'A' whom I had this conversation with , told me that she would be more aware of things that are going on. This was more of a real surprise to A as she had not realise all these issues at work before she came to me for counsel. It was only months after the session that she had understood what was going on.  A is a happy go lucky person and though I ' picked up ' the 'agro' at her workplace the last two months, I had only told her to be careful . I did not elaborate to her the seriousness of what was going on as I felt that she had to find out what was going on as she is on her journey in life. It was not life threatening and I feel each individual had to live their life's karma if they need to know forgiveness and be more aware.

So are we like ' driftwood' floating in the ocean waiting for someone to  rescue us and make something out of us. I had this thought last week. So what happened yesterday may  have something to do with what I thought about last week. What is interesting with driftwood is that it is light and that is why it floats with ocean's waves. If I imagine myself as a driftwood, it will feel like floating in the water with no cares in the world. I may land on a beautiful white sandy shore or I may carry with me loads of yucky substance and land on a dirty beach.

Some driftwood have been made into pieces of art...some still drifting with not a care in the world until they deteriorate and decompose.

The dirty driftwood that has the yucky substance is like the negative stuff that we choose to allow others in our life's journey to attach to us. It comes in the form of malignant gossip, bullying, judgement,  imposed emotional guilt and blackmail. The constant nagging of people who are 'winching' and complaining  about everything instead of counting their blessings.

Just tell oneself that people who are ' backstabbing' you , they are not worth worrying about. They have their own issues and whatever it is , that is their problem and not yours, even though it might concern you. When one reacts to another's rubbish, one will carry on the karma..so it never ends. If ones responses, are to delve into the deeper recesses of ones mind, and understand that as long as one is true to oneself , one do not have to worry about what the other person is about.... That is their problem and not yours.

Remember. someone Else's perception of us does not make it true to be who we actually are. When we are truly and consciously living our lives with awareness and with a conscience , We are responsible for our own actions and our perceptions and not by other people's.

It may be a lot to ask of ourselves to 'Bless And Let Those whom We had expectations of in Our Life to live their life they see fit'..but can we see the mirror reflection of our very own expectations of what we want others to be too?

Thank you for reading...

Love and Light Always,

THIS IS FOR YOU ....SORT IT OUT.

THIS IS FOR YOU...SORT IT OUT.

I remembered this morning that we are living in a parallel universe in so many ways. Let me explain my logic.

Last Sunday, my husband fixed a huge enough glass table for me to sort my crafting materials and tools and whatever that was needed to be organised in one room ..in one place.

Thus, the title came from him..'THIS IS FOR YOU..SORT IT OUT'.

It is Sunday and that means staying in sorting out stuff that needed to be organised. It is just like life in itself..everyday life. Every moment in our life when we are living consciously by being aware of what each moment brings to us, is a blessing. It is not only for that moment, that we can be grateful for what we have. It does not mean only material things. It includes our relationships, our awareness and everything that gives us life.

Just like life itself to sort out, our stuff are our tools to get on in life. The glass table represents the transparency of the platform stage that we live. Yes, it is large enough for us to live our lives. Our crafting tools are the gifts like our talents, our compassion, our senses, the air that we breathe and of course LIFE Itself.

So whilst sorting out and thankfully that I had lots of  ' Really Useful Boxes ' literally..the journey of seeing what is available in the boxes to use instead of to keep, was helpful to me.

If our really useful boxes represent the many areas in our life's of opportunities, relationships and the gifts that are present in us, we can awaken to use them in appropriate ways.

Each day, we can take a 'Box' in our life of opportunities and reflect on what we can do with this.

We can prioritise so that it would not be overwhelming to the excess of  opportunities that are available to us.

It is the same with relationships. Which relationship has outlived its 'expiry date' it there is any?

Relationships that can bring out the worst in us is not worth keeping. Are we hanging on to a relationship that hurt us, 'molly-coddle' us , that stops us from living our true selves. Are we staying in an abusive relationship for the fear of not being able to survive out there in the world? Abusive relationships come in many ways.  There are mentally abusive relationships where one may be told time and time again that one is not good enough in so many ways.  Ones partners may be manipulating one mentally and  one may feel 'stuck' or trapped believing that one is not able to move out of the abuse. Besides physical abuse, mental abuse by someone else..one is abusing ones life by participating in it. We have the freedom to choose to walk another path..

There are the 'Tools' in life for us to embrace. We can choose to confide in someone whom we can trust like a very good friend if we have one or a counsellor. Be aware that at the same time, there are other people who will not keep your 'secret' and who will or can share it with others through gossip.

Talk to your HIGHER SELF within you. Reflect and meditate if you can find the space and the silence..no matter how tired you are. Listen to the gentle voice with you..the voice that is good and positive.the voice that do no harm,the voice that encourages you to your authentic self.

If one has dark thoughts, one has to urgently seek help in so many ways. Spiritually, turn to God if you believe in God. I believe that God is a Being of Greatness present everywhere..just where you are. The simple Prayer is , ' GOD, I LEAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU'. Then listen to the Great Voice that comes  to comfort you...and experience that you will feel that is greater than anything that you have felt. Have faith that you are not alone always. Whether one is religious or not..it is good to have faith in the goodness that is available to us.

Through life experiences, I know that there is help and love in so many ways. I have been through some of life's darkest moments and each time ,there is always someone who is there for me. I know then that God wants me to live my life in a very special way... So does God want you to live your life in a very special way.

All of us are special in every way. Focus on our talents, gifts that are given to us. Everything comes to us from our creator. It may come through others but God is The Source from where All things happen to us in Our lives.

So go through your thoughts, your life and see what  needs 'DECLUTTERING'...

There is  true story of a woman whom seek ed the help of a well known author and healer. She had this headache that never went away. Through the healing session , she realised that she had kept letters all these years in a box in the attic. The letters were from someone whom she had loved but was scorned by him.

The attic represented the roof of her house. Your house is your body. the attic represents your head.

The letters represented the pain,hurt, and unforgiven past.

She decided that it was time to let go. She would destroy the letters and learn to forgive the past. She had absolutely treasured these letters in so many ways. She remained single all these years holding on to the negative experience.

Sadly to say, she died the day after...Was it sad or was it that she had learnt to let go but it came too late?

I feel that it is never too late .

Thank you for visiting...

Love And Light,

REMEMBERING WHO YOU REALLY ARE

You would have seen the bigger picture. You could choose to discard the behaviour that have kept you in bondage and trapped you.

You are now free to realise that all you need is yourself and God..

You are living, A Living Soul , you do not need to live your life by others.

You do not need to allow yourself to be fearful and be doing the things that are not true to you.

You can again choose to move forward in time , to work out what is really needed for you to do.

Remember they that have allowed you to entrap yourself are the very ones who you can let go.

You do not need them to survive in this world . It is a myth, I do hope that you will understand because there are many others who can do the same for you.

REMEMBER THAT THEY ARE NOT THE ULTIMATE AND DO NOT BE AFRAID BECAUSE GOD IS WITH YOU ALWAYS.

REMEMBER AND BE AWARE OF LIFE CHANGING SKILLS OF WHICH YOU SHOULD BE DOING.

TEACH AND LEARN THAT EVERY STEP OF THE WAY LEADS YOU TO A NEW BEGINNING AND IT WILL NEVER FAIL YOU.

 YOU ARE LOVED BUT DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE ENTANGLED EMOTIONALLY.

BE SURE OF WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD.

YOU HAVE BEEN SEEKING TO KNOW GOD AND IT IS TIME YOU AWAKEN AND BE FREE TO KNOW GOD.

Stand up for yourself and achieve what is rightfully yours, to have and to give.

Select your people carefully, you will meet them soon.

There will be a deeper knowing of  TRUST  .....both sides. The feeling will be mutual.

You need to move on. The time is soon. Do not hesitate any longer.

You are needed to go out there and do your work that you have chosen to do.

DO NOT HESITATE ANY LONGER.

The door has been opened for you.

All you have to do is walk through it.

You are Always Divinely Guided.

PS :  A message for you to reflect only when you are ready to give what you came into this world to give and to share. When you are ready, be the person who can and will make a difference to the world that we live in.

Thank you for visiting....

Love , Light and Peace.

 WHAT IS THE BIGGER PICTURE?

When you have seen the 'Bigger Picture, you  could choose to discard the behaviour that have kept you in bondage and trapped you.

You are now free to realise that all you need is yourself.  You are a living, a Living Soul, you do not need to allow yourself to be fearful and doing things that are not true to yourself.

You can again choose to move forward in time, to work out what is really needed for you to do.

Remenber they who have allowed you to entrap yourself, are the very ones who can let you go.

You do not need them to survive in God's world.

It is a myth, I do hope you understand because there are many others who can do the same for you.

Remember that they are not the ultimate and do not be afraid because God is always with you.

Remember and be aware of Life Changing Skills. That is what you should be doing.

Teach and learn that every step of the way leads you to a new beginning, and it will never fail you.

You are loved but do not allow yourself to be entangled emotionally.

Be sure of who you really are.

You are a child of the Universe, a child of God, our Creator.

You have been seeking to know God and it is time you awaken and be free to know God.

Stand up for yourself and achieve what is rightfully yours, to have, to give.

Select your people carefully, you will meet them soon.

There will be a knowing of  ' Trust ' .  Both sides. The feeling will be mutual.

You will need to move on.  The time is soon....Do not hesitate longer.

You are needed  to go out there and do your work that you have chosen to do.

DO NOT HESITATE ANY  LONGER.

The door has been opened for you.

All you have to do is walk through it.

YOU ARE ALWAYS DIVINELY GUIDED.

PS: Reflect deeply with reverence of  whom you really are. If this message is for you, reflect on how you can make your world a much more special world. Begin with each thought, each action and each reaction that you would consciously choose to have.. Blessed be to All whom would consciously choose to make a difference in this world, and to those who are not very aware of their choices, blessed be to them too.

Thank you for visiting.

WHAT IS YOUR WILL?

WHAT IS YOUR WILL?

What is our will? I have asked myself many times especially so when I have had witnessed many incidents regarding this issue.

Take one scenario, where one is " Given the ' Death Sentence ' " by a medical doctor.

Each person will react or respond in different ways.  We may break down and cry or try to keep on a brave front and deal with it later. Either way, we have to deal with it sooner or later, depending on how long we have been 'Given'.

Thoughts swirl in our mind...everything just flashes in front of us.... the people whom we love...the things that we have not complete...the fear of dying....the thought of  ' How do we deal with this?' Do we tell someone or do we keep the news from the people whom we love? Do we put them in the equation of our pain and maybe anguish?

What is our will, written or emotional? What do we want to be specific in leaving behind....an inheritance of love, anguish....unforgiven....material stuff.....?

Do we tell the people whom matters, The stuff that we do not like about them or to so call advise them to live their lives as to our will.

Do we have honestly have the energy to do all of  the above or can we just give up and just let whatever will be to be?

We may make the necessary preparations to meet our Maker....we think we do.... we may even try to change the way we live, the way we eat and even the way we breathe and think.

Then we may start questioning ourselves with ' What is the Point?'

We may still feel the need to be in control of our 'situation'  and let our will be known before we are being prescribed the so call drugs that are supposed to kill off the disease, that makes us hallucinate.

People will turn up feeling sorry for us and try their best to give us well-meaning advice on our diets, even to the extent of giving us self -help books to give us some hope.

Some people stay away because they might not know how to deal with what you are going through.

Sometimes, we may turn people away because we do not want them to see us the way we are going to be in our final days.

Yes, death is private to us. We face death alone even though there are people around us. We do need to have our dignity and not be on public display when we take our last breath.

Then there are the so called people who think they care about you by telling you what to do with your will. There are even those who will selfishly give you the ultimatum of what they want you to do .

Yes, Seen it often...experienced it .

Even when you do make your will, there will be others who fight against our will when we are gone.

They disrespect our wills and think we are stupid or brain dead at the time that we make our wills. They contest against our will...try their best to convince the beneficiaries to do otherwise than what is required.

It may feel that when we are gone, we are gone forever. We are not able to have control over what goes on in the physical world after we depart.

WHAT IS THE POINT?

I had a very stressful few weeks with my face book account being compromised...person/s logging into my account...having to change the passwords for my e-mail and face book accounts nearly every few hours so much so that I did not have the energy to carry on writing.

That is a very long sentence, you may say or think but that is not nearly how long it was for me to get out of the anger mode to put these bullies behind me. Yes, very much so, these people who hijack our accounts are really bullies in their own world. They must have nothing to do except provoke feelings and testing our patience.

I do feel sorry for these people as they are practically thieves and peeping toms. What is their point?

What is their upbringing like? Do we blame their parents or themselves?

What are their needs that are not being met? What values do they have?  By bullying others, is it a compensation for what they are lacking?

I asked myself these questions. Well, I have realised that it is like anything else in life.

People do have different values definitely. What is their sense of achievement in their own right? Is there a monetary value to what they do, irregardless of other people's feelings?

Questions, questions, questions? I am not going to try even to understand their reasons for doing what they do BEST?

I can only now speak for myself from my very own experiences and values.

I had a very interesting conversation with my Mentor, John yesterday.  John is very good in helping others realise what is the underlying source of our behaviour/s .

He inspires me , is a gentleman and is honest and tactful without being in your face.

I am grateful to have him as my mentor. He is non-judgemental and so far one of the best coach that one can find.

I have for the past few years been thinking, contemplating my life...doing a sort of 'inventory' into my life's experience.

There is a point in life where I asked myself, ' What is the Point'? I am sure many of you have done so already in so many areas of our life especially in our relationships.

Have you felt that somehow sometime, you feel that you are just existing for others? Most people do not realise that they do exist for others.

These are the patterns in life that we fall into. We procrastinatee on so many things and then when we do finally take that first step in, let's say a project...and then we do not have the 'mood' to complete it.

We have all the ideas and then much more newer ideas and then we start on the other better ideas, and then we do not feel like completing them. We could stare at it all day  and something called, 'Guilt' says , 'You must complete your project'.

What causes guilt to come in? It is our belief patterns that have set in long time ago when we were younger..  Then we may realise that we do get bored with the unfinished projects and then it all goes into a cycle of ...Get the Stuff needed....Procrastinate....Work on it... Stop... must do it cause you spent money on it...then you lose interest....completely.

Underlying this behaviour is a need to achieve...in your own right. When you have a need to achieve for someone Else's sake and approval, it doe not happen so brilliantly. The negative energy that goes with the project makes it a failure., especially when one is not doing it for one's own values.

Do we need to measure our achievement as a monetary value always? Some of us do and some of us do not. Everyone has their own model of the world. It is what we choose to live with that makes our character.. Do we change our values to match other people's expectation of our capabilities or their capabilities?

We do set our own standards and the primary role is to look after number one  and that is ourselves.

Like John mentioned that when we are travelling on a plane, we are always told to put the oxygen mask first before others in case of emergency. It makes sense. We do have to help ourselves and know what we are doing and not be robot-like in our lives.

 When we try to achieve for somebody else to make them happy or to seek approval, we are not being true to ourselves unless we are doing it for us  according to our values and not others.

Another thing is to measure our sensitivity to other people's thoughts and behaviours. On a scale of one to ten....one being very sensitive to what others say and ten...not so sensitive to what others say.

Let us say the sensitivity gauge that we choose is four and four is not being all the way sensitive to what others say..because if we are truly vulnerable and sensitive, we would have acted accordingly to what others expect of us.

What is important is to ask ourselves,

 ' Who do I want to be?'

'What do I want to do?'

'What do I want to have?'

Our values are our sense of worthiness. Be motivated by our own values and we can choose to be less sensitive to other people/s needs ( Control ) at the expense of our own.

Be who we want to be and not what others want us to be.

A quote from John, " I AM HAPPY I'M USING MY TV REMOTE."

When one is in charge of your very own TV remote, one is in control of what one wants in their own model of the their world. If you have reached an age of adulthood, then ...what more do we want in life , then be in charge of our own lives and values.

Our needs are linked to feelings connected to other people but we do have to take responsibility for our own feelings.

We do not need to be an emotional slave and be responsible for other people's needs (Control).

Thank you for dropping by.

PS: This is just a summary of what I intended to write regarding  the above issues.  I will expand on the issues mentioned at another time.

Ms EliMaeO